The Assault of Self-Absorption

The Assault of Self-Absorption

Hitting the six mile trail I put on my headphones and began praying crying. An array of negative emotions were assaulting me from all sides as I pressed into my time with the Lord. The previous weeks were filled with many good things in life. We were gifted with some really needed items, I met my nephew for the first time, along with other answers to prayer. With many blessings came a lot of pain that seemed to be coming to the surface. Legitimate areas God wanted to address. I began to press into time with the only one who can care and heal my heart. It was two hours (yes those were 20min miles folks…lightning speed) where anger, fear, and confusion seemed to assault my mind as I tried everything I knew to combat it. About mid way through I reached out to a few friends by text to pray for me. All the tools I knew to use were pulled and I was hammering away with no relief. Usually, my walks with God are very uplifting and I leave feeling refreshed, but that day after my two hours were over, I was in no better place. I felt like I was rode hard and put away wet. Processing with my husband that night I knew that the Lord would be faithful to direct me and so I fell asleep. As I woke up the presence of the Lord was strong and opening my eyes I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me these words: self-absorption. Self-absorption…um, like paper towels? After a few moments of running down my...
Feminine Strength

Feminine Strength

One evening I was invited to watch the 2001 movie “Serendipity” with a group of ladies at my church. It was close to Valentine’s Day and the ladies, mostly single, wanted to indulge in desserts and snacks and cinematic romance. Reportedly there would be chocolate involved, so I went. Little did I know that in addition to chocolate we would be feasting on a boatload of cheese.  This movie is seriously so cheesy you could pour it on your nachos. Thing is though, I detest romance movies. I can stomach a romantic comedy here and there but would much rather watch a regular comedy (though clean ones are hard to find these days), a sci-fi adventure, a blow-’em-up suspense thriller, a “what’s making us fat now” documentary, or even just a good old-fashioned drama. Sitcoms are usually my go-to; my attention span can usually handle thirty minutes before I get up to do something else. As this fondue party of a romantic movie played I spat out a series of criticisms and insults aimed at the characters, plot, writers, etc. Naturally the other girls were telling me to shut up and throwing pillows and popcorn at my face (no chocolate, though; I had that bowl). However my reserve was strong, and I did not–could not–remain silent. I was channeling Sophia Petrillo from “Golden Girls” with a pinch of “Everybody Loves Raymond’s” Frank Barone… In this season of my life I feel as though God is quieting Frank and Sophia. While spending some time with a friend this week the subject of what a strong Godly woman looks like came...
Next Exit

Next Exit

Excited to see my sweet friend of over twenty years, we followed her two year old as she wandered into one of the spare rooms to play. Sitting down on the floor with May’s little girl we began to chat as if no time had passed. It was at least a year or so since the last time we were face to face. In that time apart, I had published my book. I was anxiously awaiting my friend’s feedback as we were watching her little one show mommy the teddy bear she found. Getting feedback on your life story is an interesting experience. Usually, it’s a lot of “wow I didn’t know that” or a more common response from my friends is “you actually wrote a book”. I love hearing the perspective of all of my friends and acquaintances from all different walks of life. I asked most of my friends who I wrote about in the book to choose their own name so to keep their identity private. “May” was the name my friend chose which I felt was fitting of her being blonde and beautiful. Since May was featured in the book I was guaranteed at least one reader. We visited for a while and then she studiously looked at me. “Liz can I ask you a question?” And without hesitation, perhaps knowing by some sort of divine revelation or maybe the fact that when you know your friends so well you know what they are going to say before they say it, I answered her before she asked. I said “am I still attracted to women?” Her...
Straightforward: The Gay Blog

Straightforward: The Gay Blog

I wasn’t a pretty lesbian. Well, I think my girlfriend found me pretty, but nowadays it seems that when you turn on the TV most lesbians are gorgeous and infinitely confident. Jodi Foster, Ellen Page, Gillian Anderson, Ellen Degeneres’ partner with the name that I can’t pronounce…all strong, beautiful women. Nope. Not me, though. I was awkward. Precarious. Insecure. I was proud, but stayed in the background. For those of you who haven’t read my book The God of My Parents, it may be helpful if I give some details about my life. Deep in the mountains of Northern California rests a little town I’ll call Wilsonville. To this day the small wooded community still only houses about twelve-hundred people. My parents left their well-paying jobs in Silicon Valley and relocated there to pastor a church of about five members when I was seven. We contrasted pretty sharply with the culture of this community. As I wrote in my book, “If you were forced to lump all of the residents of Wilsonville into two primary groups you could call them the hippies and the rednecks. Hippies that grew pot, rednecks that cut timber, hippies that protested the cutting of timber, rednecks that smoked pot but hated the hippies, Native Americans that grew pot and cut timber, and the few that simply lived in the middle of it all.” Considering the environment in which I grew up I would probably identify more as a “missionary kid” than a “pastor’s kid,” because I was exposed to so much more culture than perhaps the typical ministry child. Outside of our tiny church...
Why I Don’t Watch Porn No Mo

Why I Don’t Watch Porn No Mo

In my last blog, I listed some ways in which people can face pornography (and other sexual wholeness) issues in their church communities. By no means was it an exhaustive list, but I think those are some of the key areas to start with as a family of believers. In this blog, I would like to talk about my own life. For those of you who have not read my book The God of My Parents: The Uncensored Account of My Journey to Find Identity, I talk very openly about my sexuality and how it related to my Christian faith. Today I would like to go over a few aspects of my battle with pornography and how it was costly in my life. I was twelve the first time I saw porn. Nowadays that’s actually a decently old age for a child’s first exposure, whether it’s brought up by intentional searching or by accidental exposure. In my case, it was the latter. A Playboy in my friend’s relative’s home was sitting indiscreetly in the bathroom when I stumbled upon it. After seeing it I looked for more wherever I could find it. A few years later I found it on movie channels like HBO and such, and I never had to search far. Then into adulthood, when I was independent, there were absolutely no hurdles to overcome. It was 24/7 access. Prov 29:18 (AMP) “Where there is no vision [no revelation of God and His word], the people are unrestrained; but happy and blessed is he who keeps the law [of God].” From the beginning I knew this was...