Did I Choose to be Gay?

Did I Choose to be Gay?

That afternoon when I was seventeen still stands out as a marker in my mind so clearly. It was the day I finally spoke with my father about coming out as a lesbian. Soberly, I walked into the room where he was sitting quietly on the couch. After our awkward interaction, in which I disclosed that I was a lesbian, he asked me if I wanted help. I had no confidence in his ability to help me and was completely disconnect from God, so I rejected the offer. I go into depth further about my journey in my book The God of My Parents and other blog posts you can read here and here. However, in this blog, I’d like to talk about how certain verbiage that is thrown around by Christians in order to be effective in reaching the gay community is actually very damaging. I will be writing about the concept of choice. To choose something you need to first see another option. During the time in my life when I came out to my dad, due to my disconnected and false understanding of God, I lived a desperately lonely and isolated existence. I was starving for affection and affirmation and had been for some time. I began to attempt to meet these needs, these deep longings for affirmation, validation and emotional safety through romantic relationships with women. But did I choose to be gay? This is a question I hear from many well meaning Christians when trying to communicate the truth of the gospel. I experienced substantial deficits in my life but while I very much had...
Feminine Strength

Feminine Strength

One evening I was invited to watch the 2001 movie “Serendipity” with a group of ladies at my church. It was close to Valentine’s Day and the ladies, mostly single, wanted to indulge in desserts and snacks and cinematic romance. Reportedly there would be chocolate involved, so I went. Little did I know that in addition to chocolate we would be feasting on a boatload of cheese.  This movie is seriously so cheesy you could pour it on your nachos. Thing is though, I detest romance movies. I can stomach a romantic comedy here and there but would much rather watch a regular comedy (though clean ones are hard to find these days), a sci-fi adventure, a blow-’em-up suspense thriller, a “what’s making us fat now” documentary, or even just a good old-fashioned drama. Sitcoms are usually my go-to; my attention span can usually handle thirty minutes before I get up to do something else. As this fondue party of a romantic movie played I spat out a series of criticisms and insults aimed at the characters, plot, writers, etc. Naturally the other girls were telling me to shut up and throwing pillows and popcorn at my face (no chocolate, though; I had that bowl). However my reserve was strong, and I did not–could not–remain silent. I was channeling Sophia Petrillo from “Golden Girls” with a pinch of “Everybody Loves Raymond’s” Frank Barone… In this season of my life I feel as though God is quieting Frank and Sophia. While spending some time with a friend this week the subject of what a strong Godly woman looks like came...