Why I Chose to Stand with Others

Why I Chose to Stand with Others

As soon as we walked out of the hotel’s conference room that was adjacent to the California State Capital, I was immediately intimidated. As someone who prides herself on not cowering to the opinions of others, this surprisingly stretched me. When we walked into the Capitol with black t-shirts on that said in white text “changed” on the front and “oncegay.com” on the back, there was no turning back. We stepped out as a unified team to voice our concerns. Thirty something people, many from California, but also from other states. All different stories and stages of life. All there to say our lives are not fraudulant. The Capitol was packed with protestors for various bills that would be voted on the following day. It was surreal walking into a government building and being met by many other groups, in their own custom t-shirts and signs, protesting all sorts of things. It was particularly intimidating when those in various groups turned their attentions off of gathering for their cause, and began to jeer at our group that was quietly walking up to the Senator’s offices. I can only liken what I experienced at that moment to the bullying I often endured as a kid. Like when I would be bullied as I played sports. When I would walk into the school gym only to be met by guys hurling insults at me about my weight as I walked by in my snug uniform. When I was there to be a part of a team but was assaulted by comments about my appearance. Childish ignorant hateful banter. That’s the best...
THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED

THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED

Six months. Oy vey. It’s been six months since I’ve written a blog. Many excuses come to mind for my not taking the time to post, however I won’t bore you with those. My commitment to post is back in full force. Here we go. Are you ready? Let’s talk about Beauty and the Beast (Insert awkward clapping)! Fuzzy wuzzy, popcorn, candy coma induced thoughts come to mind when I go way back to 1991. This was my first introduction to Beauty and the Beast. I was thirteen and my brother was five. Many lazy days with this VHS on loop as background noise in our home. A staple, if you will, in the Disney library that remains embedded in my childhood memories. When I heard of a remake involving a live production musical it was everything in me too…well…I actually have no desire to see it. Where’s your inner princess Liz? Where has she gone? This princess doesn’t like live musicals and actually get’s very oddly embarrassed when (in a small setting especially) people start singing. For example, a coffee shop or hotel lobby. Or that friend who wants you to know they can sing. For some reason, “I’d rather not thank you.” In larger settings I’m fine. I’m odd, yes we all know this. Nevertheless, this has nothing to do with my blog today, just a few random Liz factoids. Back to hoopla over this movie. Just some thoughts for my Christian friends to consider. If you aren’t familiar with the controversy swirling around this movie, in a nutshell, the 2017’s Disney live action musical will feature...
Did I Choose to be Gay?

Did I Choose to be Gay?

That afternoon when I was seventeen still stands out as a marker in my mind so clearly. It was the day I finally spoke with my father about coming out as a lesbian. Soberly, I walked into the room where he was sitting quietly on the couch. After our awkward interaction, in which I disclosed that I was a lesbian, he asked me if I wanted help. I had no confidence in his ability to help me and was completely disconnect from God, so I rejected the offer. I go into depth further about my journey in my book The God of My Parents and other blog posts you can read here and here. However, in this blog, I’d like to talk about how certain verbiage that is thrown around by Christians in order to be effective in reaching the gay community is actually very damaging. I will be writing about the concept of choice. To choose something you need to first see another option. During the time in my life when I came out to my dad, due to my disconnected and false understanding of God, I lived a desperately lonely and isolated existence. I was starving for affection and affirmation and had been for some time. I began to attempt to meet these needs, these deep longings for affirmation, validation and emotional safety through romantic relationships with women. But did I choose to be gay? This is a question I hear from many well meaning Christians when trying to communicate the truth of the gospel. I experienced substantial deficits in my life but while I very much had...
National Lampoon’s Christmas Reciprocation

National Lampoon’s Christmas Reciprocation

Oh, the wonders of the holidays. I don’t know about you, but my holidays were pretty glorious this year. Not because I received a bunch of gifts or ate a bunch of treats (or at least not only for those reasons… *glances at treadmill and clears throat uncomfortably*). My holiday season was fulfilling because we made it a point to spend it with our friends. Since I was young the holidays–the week of Christmas in particular–was reserved for a lot of family-only activities. It was just me, my brother and my parents, and for a time just me and my brother. Eventually it evolved to include Andy, then to include Jack’s wife. Now, 2800 miles later, we just spent our third Christmas apart from any family. I have to admit that during this time of year my instinct is to gravitate toward hermitlike behavior. All of my immediate family’s birthdays and anniversaries of their passings fall within this two-month time period, so I don’t always know how the season will be for me. My belief and proclamation over my own life is always that God will use the hardest time of the year to bring the biggest blessings, because that is in His good nature. He restores. He rebuilds. He comforts. Yet, with all of my proclaiming, some years I hurt, and that’s okay. It’s okay to miss my family. This year however, we felt the Lord leading us to be intentional and pursue activities with friends during the holidays. We were invited to a few shindigs and we invited some friends to do fun things as well. It...
Everlasting Freedom

Everlasting Freedom

Hopelessness kills freedom. When you are bound by something you feel powerless to overcome, hopelessness is not far from you. I can think of countless times I sat with hopelessness and tried to throw sticks at it, to shoo it away with my attempts to reason with myself. “I can try harder and with more concentration this time,” I would tell myself, yet I would still fall into the same patterns and end up back at the starting point. Like a prisoner determined to pull my arms free from my chains, the harder I tried, the more bruised and bloodied I became. I denied the truth: I had bowed to another. I had become imprisoned. I was not free. The last time I watched pornography I was in one of the most epic “dark nights of the soul” times of my life. Imagine losing almost everything that you hold as dear and safe, then triple that. Actually, centuple it. That’s a word. I promise. It was during this time that I decided I couldn’t continue to deal with life in this way, and I knew that God was able to free me from this sin pattern. If I was going to believe that Jesus existed, died on a cross, rose again, and is available to speak to me daily, I had to believe His promise that I could be free. I had to come to the end of myself. I had to stop pulling my arms out of the socket doing things my way. There were moments during this time when I experienced His presence in a powerful way,...