The Assault of Self-Absorption

The Assault of Self-Absorption

Hitting the six mile trail I put on my headphones and began praying crying. An array of negative emotions were assaulting me from all sides as I pressed into my time with the Lord. The previous weeks were filled with many good things in life. We were gifted with some really needed items, I met my nephew for the first time, along with other answers to prayer. With many blessings came a lot of pain that seemed to be coming to the surface. Legitimate areas God wanted to address. I began to press into time with the only one who can care and heal my heart. It was two hours (yes those were 20min miles folks…lightning speed) where anger, fear, and confusion seemed to assault my mind as I tried everything I knew to combat it. About mid way through I reached out to a few friends by text to pray for me. All the tools I knew to use were pulled and I was hammering away with no relief. Usually, my walks with God are very uplifting and I leave feeling refreshed, but that day after my two hours were over, I was in no better place. I felt like I was rode hard and put away wet. Processing with my husband that night I knew that the Lord would be faithful to direct me and so I fell asleep. As I woke up the presence of the Lord was strong and opening my eyes I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me these words: self-absorption. Self-absorption…um, like paper towels? After a few moments of running down my...
Everlasting Freedom

Everlasting Freedom

Hopelessness kills freedom. When you are bound by something you feel powerless to overcome, hopelessness is not far from you. I can think of countless times I sat with hopelessness and tried to throw sticks at it, to shoo it away with my attempts to reason with myself. “I can try harder and with more concentration this time,” I would tell myself, yet I would still fall into the same patterns and end up back at the starting point. Like a prisoner determined to pull my arms free from my chains, the harder I tried, the more bruised and bloodied I became. I denied the truth: I had bowed to another. I had become imprisoned. I was not free. The last time I watched pornography I was in one of the most epic “dark nights of the soul” times of my life. Imagine losing almost everything that you hold as dear and safe, then triple that. Actually, centuple it. That’s a word. I promise. It was during this time that I decided I couldn’t continue to deal with life in this way, and I knew that God was able to free me from this sin pattern. If I was going to believe that Jesus existed, died on a cross, rose again, and is available to speak to me daily, I had to believe His promise that I could be free. I had to come to the end of myself. I had to stop pulling my arms out of the socket doing things my way. There were moments during this time when I experienced His presence in a powerful way,...